Grief.

Dear Bennett,
God, I miss you.
The grief comes in waves and sometimes I feel like I'm drowning, to be honest.
I'm due with another sibling on April 14th, the day before your birthday. It feels like it's eating me alive.
I'm struggling. I'm trying not to but it doesn't feel like much of a choice.
I wish I could know you and I wish you could know me. I wish you could meet your sister and brother - they have always known of you and they can't wait til the day when they can get to know you. They think about you and talk about you all the time, they wonder how you are, what your favorite toys and things are, if you're happy or if you're sad, they include you whenever people ask how many sisters or brothers they have - they say "Well, there's Bennett too, but he lives with another family right now." They love you so much and we all can't wait til the day when we can hopefully meet you.. me again, and them for the first time.
I wish this grief got easier but I guess it just shows how deeply and profoundly I miss you and love you.
I wish the best for you every single day and I wish I could have done more, done better in some way, and I hope that one day, you'll understand.
I love you,
<3