I'll love you forever.

Dear Bennett,
Today your mom sent me a Mothers day video filled with videos of you. It made me cry. It was... bittersweet I guess. I miss you. I wish I could hug you and tell you over and over how much I miss you and love you.
You're growing up so fast and you're so handsome. Sometimes I see a lot of your sister in you, your big smile and even the way you sit sometimes reminds me of your sisters mannerisms. I feel like you look so much like my family - especially my mothers side, your grandmother. You're just so adorable. Your mom also sent me a video of you singing Happy Birthday to your aunt. Goodness, your voice is just precious.
It's crazy how many times I can listen to you say a few words over and over again, trying to memorize every detail I get about you. With your siblings I can get to know them and it's like every part of them becomes a part of me that I just know. But with you, I can't do that. And I spend so much times trying my hardest to remember every bit of you that I can. Crazy right?
I can't help it. I can't help remembering that you grew within me. That you grew under my heart and within my body and soul for 8 months. That I felt every little kick and squirm, that I felt every hiccup and punch. That I heard your very first cry as I pushed through the tremendous pain I felt to get you safely into this world. Sometimes it feels as if I'm still there in that delivery room - I relive it over and over.
I love and hate at the same time to remember the few hours I got to spend with you. The moments where I held you and sunk every little detail of your face and tiny hands into my brain. That I stared into those big eyelashless eyes that would blink up at me, recognising me as who had brought him into the world. I relish in remembering these moments with you because it's all I had.

If I were able to keep you, I'd have named you Destin. Destin Edone. (Pronounced Eden) Because you felt like my Destined One. Destined to be here, destined to be placed on this Earth, destined to come through me. Destined.

<3 I'll love you forever Bennett. Then, Now, and Always.