I got to see you yesterday. :) Your parents called me and we had a FaceTime visit ! I was happy to be able to see you right before Christmas. Although you aren't here with me I carry you in my heart and in my soul. You're a part of me and I can never move on from that or forget it. I love you and I've loved you from the moment that I laid eyes on that very first photo of you on the u/s machine. <3
I crocheted you an Elmo hat and you LOVED it !! I was so happy to see your reaction! You grabbed it and went, "ELMO!! MY Elmo!!!" Your whole face lit up and tears came to my eyes. I am so glad that I can do little things to bring you happiness and joy even though we are many miles apart.
You're still little, so after opening your gift you just wanted to run around or watch Thomas the train on your Ipad. You did build up some blocks for me and knocked them down. :) Your mom told me some stories about you - which I love hearing about. I love learning about what happens in your world.
Your mom told me about the Christmas program that you had a few nights before. You were so happy and proud to be up on that stage but you were too shy to sing. But your face was lit up and you were smiling proudly !
She also told me about how you have an Elf on the shelf that came by to watch you this month so he or she can report back to Santa!! I guess this little elf has been causing some mischief. Your mom told me that he piled up toilet paper all in the doorway to your room and you had to get a mister bear to help you knock them down ! :) She told me that you have a silly sense of humor and told her, "Bennett did that!" Even though the silly elf did. :p
Now - some heavy news. I had you a little brother last Tuesday. I've named him Noel. :) In light of the Christmas season. He reminds me of you a lot. I hope one day you can understand that I went on to have another child or children because I had to keep living. I love you and I miss you more than you could ever possibly know and I wish I could be there for you. I wish I could be more for you. I wish so many things when it comes to you but those wishes can't come true. I can't rewind time and make things work - as much as I want to and wish I could. Time doesn't seem to work like that. Now, just because I've had Noel doesn't mean I love you any less than I did - just like I told your sister a few days ago. I love you all the same amount. I still love you and Lailah - I just love Noel too now. I will always love all of you. Every single one of you is a light in my life that helps me to be the best person I know how to be. I aim to be a better version of myself everyday because of each one of you. Please understand one day - or make the attempt.
Please know that I DO love you dear Bennett.
Now and forever always, I love you my little puzzle piece.
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