Dear Bennett,
Last night I got an update on you. I texted your mom and asked if I could have some new pictures of you. She sent me some at midnight. It was so great to see how much you've grown in the past month and a half. I wish I could explain how much I've missed you but it's beyond words. Everyday I miss you so much that it hurts. Everyday you are in my thoughts and I wish well for you. I've been told that you've been learning a lot more words and that you really love books, your Ipad, and any sport that involves a ball. :) Such a handsome little boy who before I know it will be all grown up and hopefully standing in front of me. I ache for the day where I can wrap my arms around you and hold you again - even if for just a moment. I know nothing will be the same and that we won't be able to just pick up and pretend none of this happened. I really want a relationship with you. I want to get to know you and be there for you if you need me or want me. I just want to be a part of your life and be someone you feel you can count on. I am so sorry because I know that that will probably be difficult for you given our circumstance. But please do know that all I ever wanted was what was best for you, I wanted to protect you, and I have constantly loved you since the moment I first found out you were growing within me. When I first saw your heart flickering on that screen I felt completely blessed. Your name would have been Destin. If you'd have remained with me. Destin Edone (pronounced Eden). Because I felt, you were my Destined One.
I love you Bennett. More than words can describe.
Many years to go - but I'm going to keep writing and wait for the day we meet again.
<3 Your mommy.
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