April 14th -
At this time 2 years ago, I had been in labor for about for about 2-3 hours now. I was sitting in a hospital alone and awaiting the arrival of a beautiful little boy whom I knew I wouldn't even get to name. My mom and at the time bf Mark came about a half hour- 45 mins before I was to deliver. At 12:24 am on the 15th my son came into this reality and took his very first breath. The nurses cleaned him up, then showed him to me quickly before taking him to the NICU nursery. My mom and Mark then left me. I cried for hours alone until I fell asleep in my pain knowing that soon I would have to make the choice to allow another couple to parent and take my baby. The wound is not healed and I don't believe it ever will be. But a mother must sacrifice to do what is best for her child/children even when it is not what is best for herself, no? Some feel that the decision I made was not what was best for Bennett - but I will stay firm in my beliefs that he deserved better than what I could provide and Lailah deserved a mother who could get on her feet. I'm still not perfect but I have come a long way. I am ready for whatever obstacles come my way. I have the best people surrounding me and I am a good mother. Although, at the end of the day - only other natural first mothers will understand my pain when I say that Bennett is missed and that I love him.
April 15th -
12:24 am, April 15th. Happy birthday Bennett <3 Imy.
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