One month from One

Dear Bennett,
One month from today you'll already be one. I know I wasn't there for your irst laugh, crawl, or standing, but I think about you every day. I chose life for you and I hope you'll live an amazing life with them until you're older and hope to see me as well. But for now I'll look at your photos and get updates of this growing boy. 4-15-11

Dedication

Heart beats fast, colors and promises
How to be brave, how can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
Watching you, stand alone. All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.

One step closer.

I have died everyday, waiting for you.
Darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years, I will love you for a thousand more.
Time stands still. Beauty I know she is.
I will be brave, I will not let anything take away, what is standing in front of me.
Every breath, Every hour, has come to this.

One step closer.

I have died everyday, waiting for you.
Darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years, I will love you for a thousand more.
All along, I believed time would find you.
Time has brought your heart to me.
I have loved you, for a thousand years years, I will love you for a thousand more.

 One step closer.

One step closer.

I have died everyday waiting for you.
Darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years, I will love you for a thousand more.
All along I believed time would find you.
Time has brought your heart to me.
I have loved you, for a thousand years years, I will love you for a thousand more.

7 months old

Dear Bennett,

Today you are 7 months old. You are getting so big and you are so happy. I know that I did the best thing I could do for you. You are a brilliant little boy. I don't know a lot to say, I'm at a loss for words I guess. But, just know that I love you, I love you so much. And because of that love I hold for you, I made the decision I have. I feel no regret but I do feel a lot of pain. I feel like I'm grieving over losing you. Although you're still on this Earth, you're no longer mine. I miss you more than anything. You'll always be a part of me. <3

First letter ever

Dear Bennett,
Sorry it took me a while to write. I haven't really known what to say.
Today I've read from your mommy that you finally rolled over today by yourself. I read it on a social media site which I don't know if it'll still be around when you're older. I'm so proud of you!
Today you are 6 months old and technically 10 days until 12:24am.
You were so handsome. Exactly 5 lbs, almost as big as your sister Lailah.
I loved you so so so much and I really hope you know that. And you know what else?
I still love you, always will.
Love, your biological mom.