We miss you

 Dear Bennett, 

I miss you. Entirely too much, probably. I wish I could be in your life. I wish I could know you. Do you know how quickly I would jump onto that opportunity if I had it? 

Your siblings miss you, they’ve never even met you, but rest assured that they know about you and they miss you. 

We would do anything to have you back in our lives but unfortunately time only moves forward, not backward. 

This is our 10th Christmas without you. And it’s killing me inside. It feels like torture. 

I love you, I miss you. And I hope and pray for the day I’ll be able to meet you and get to know the you you’ve become.

Your mom texted me

 Last night, for the first time in a long time, Liz texted me out of the blue - very late at night! Which she usually has done in the past - I think so that she hopes I’m sleeping and we won’t have much conversation. It’s ok though. Look at all these pictures she sent me of my sweet boy 💖 ten years down … 8 more to go. 😭 literally crying right now. Tell me he don’t look just like me!

(Pics on fb)

Wish I could see you.

 Dear Bennett, 

I’d do anything to see you again. If I could see you, I would. 

💙

You have another little brother

 Dear Bennett, 

Today I’ve asked in a birthmoms group if I should tell your mom that you have another little brother. We kind of stopped talking much at all since she told me she was going to tell you you were adopted and about us but then never got back to me about it and pretended like it never happened. A year or two after that I told her I had to close the adoption to less contact throughout the year because it was too hard on me that she would often ignore my texts. Since then we’ve talked at max 3 times a year. Usually around Easter/your birthday and Christmas and I feel lucky if she responds but I don’t hold my breath over it anymore. What I really wish for - which I’ve plead for is for you to know me and your siblings - to have phone calls, and to meet you once a year - at least. 

Anyways- back to telling your mom about Emrys. I don’t know what the right thing to do is but your mom has ignored my previous texts and when she has responded she’s sent me some pictures and we’ve wished each other well but that’s been the extent of it for the past couple years now. So, I’ve decided not to tell her at this time but if it comes up because texting her and being ignored really hurts emotionally and leaves me feeling like I’m bothering her, which I don’t really want to to do - be a bother. I’ve let her know that I’m here for you whenever you need me so I have to trust that one day she’ll tell you and you’ll care to know me one day. 

I love you 💙